The Ultimate Guide to Annoying Voldemort
by Marauder Number Fiive
Summary: R&R...The title pretty much says it all! Find out how to annoy everyone's favorite bad guy with this easy stepbystep guide!
1. Chapter 1

The Ultimate Guide to Annoying

Voldemort!

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**I do not own Harry Potter, Voldemort, _What Not to Wear,_ or any other big names that you recognize.**

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1. Call him the Man-Who-Let-the-Boy-Who-Lived-Live. 

2. Tell him about this great spell for hair growth.

3. Join the Death Eaters. Make a map of the headquarters and carry it everywhere.

4. When questioned why, burst out into tears and shout that it isn't your fault that you suffer from memory loss.

5. Make copies of your map and hand them out to all your new Death Eater friends.

6. Give a copy to Harry Potter with a note saying that the party starts at 8. Include in the note that you are short of a few people and tell him to bring the entire Order.

7.Get him on an episode of _Not What to Wear_.

8.Sign him up for anger management classes.

9.Ask him why he doesn't have a cool scar.

10.Tell him that red eyes are out of season – green eyes are all the rage.

11.Casually mention to the Death Eaters that he's a half-blood.

12.Call him Tommy.

13.Buy him a T-shirt that says 'Tommy.'

14.Buy yourself a matching T-shirt that says 'I'm with Tommy.'

15.Get him Harry Potter styled glasses.

16.Tell him that since he's so obsessed with Harry, they will help him look more like the boy.

17.Offer to redecorate the Death Eaters' Headquarters for free. leave out that you got a 'T' in Charms and only know the color spells for red and gold.

19.When questioned, say innocently that you wanted to make Wormtail feel more at home.

20.Laugh whenever he starts to talk.

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**Well, there's 1-20. I have plenty more coming! Please review. Suggestions are welcomed!**

**Isabel**


	2. Chapter 2

**Don't own Voldemort or _Man Eater_. I do not mean to offend anyone by the Jesus part either, so don't sue me!

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21. Ask him why he is so fond of dramatic monologues.

22. Call the Death Eaters to a 'very important and urgent meeting.'

23. Turn the meeting into karaoke night.

24. Associate 'death' with 'man,' therefore making the Death Eaters Man Eaters.

25. Make _Man Eater_ the official theme song for them.

26. Play it continuously during meetings and all duels.

27. Ask him to join you in streaking.

28. Transfigure his pet snake into a lion.

29. Or make snake soup.

30. Give him a bowl. Do not mention what is in his bowl until he has finished it all.

31. Laugh hysterically at his reaction.

32. Become a mime.

33. Tell him that he is not Jesus.

34. When met with questioning looks, explain that Jesus is the Lord. Since he is not Jesus, he isn't any type of Lord.

35. Sign him up for American Idol.

36. Whenever given a command to go somewhere, stand up and shout, "To the Voldymobile!"

37. Say how his greatest enemies of all times are an old man and a young boy. Not very impressive.

38. Hablas en español. (Talk in Spanish)

39. Buy him Cuddles, his new pet bunny.

40. As soon as he becomes attached to Cuddles, develop a sudden allergy to rabbits and return him to the pet shop.

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**Well, here's #21-40. I have plenty more coming up and will try to update The Game soon. I'm having writer's block (I know, pathetic after just two chapters.) Reviews would inspire me to write faster!**

**Isabel

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Hey, I just reposted this one. Special thanks to Pretty Lily Potter who made me realize that #s 8 and 35 were identical. Fixed it! All reviews are welcomed and suggestions too!

Isabel (again)


	3. Chapter 3

**I do not own anything, blah blah blah.

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41. Become a verminophobic. (Someone who fears germs.)

42. Refuse to wear the mask and ask him if he realizes how unsanitary they are.

43. Talk in third person all the time.

44. Learn how to play the bagpipes.

45. Try to prove that life is like a musical by randomly bursting out in song and dance.

46. Poke him. A lot.

47. Kill Harry Potter.

48. Brag about how easy it was and only a complete idiot wouldn't be able to do it.

49. Lock him in a room with Moaning Myrtle.

50. Buy him footsie pajamas and insist that he wears them every night.

51. Buy yourself Harry Gear – an 'I Love Harry' shirt, '#1 Potter Fan' hat, etc.

52. Wear Harry Gear everywhere.

53. Develop an obsession with penguins.

54. Turn headquarters into the ultimate penguin sanctuary.

55. Introduce him to your favorite penguin, Harry. Then let him meet your least favorite penguin, Tommy.

56. When he yells, stage whisper to your neighbor, 'Must be that time of the month.'

57. If your neighbor is stupid, (97 percent chance), he or she will ask in a very loud voice, 'He's a werewolf?' Answer back, 'No, silly! PMS!' When met with a blank look, tell them 'Tommy used to be a Tina.'

58. Let him meet Colin Creevy.

59. Take him to Madam Pudifoot's.

60. Ask him to play Twister with you. When he says no, cry.

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**Here's 41-60! I was sooo excited! I got 2 reviews! **

**Saphiraemrys – So glad to make you smile!**

**Skycandle **- **That would be cool to do that! Not sure if she would like #47 though! **

**See? If just 2 reviews can make me feel that happy, imagine what more can do! REVIEW!**

**Isabel**


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